Expressions of Love

Growing up in my family, we expressed our love a little bit differently than the average family.  Instead of sweet hugs and kisses, bedtime stories and warm glasses of milk, we got practical jokes, aggravation, and a level of “picking” on one another that would shame any school yard bully.  My mom was the ring leader of this “tough love” circus as I like to think of it.  I have no doubts that my Mom loves me and would do anything for me, but I do know that her expressions of love weren’t always something I understood until I got older. 

In my family, no one is safe.  Growing up, we would do the “rubber band around the sink sprayer” gag and soak people who wanted to wash their hands or get a glass of water.  We were masters at hiding someplace and jumping out and scaring the living hell out of anyone unlucky enough to fall into our trap.  One thing that sticks out in my mind (or scarred me for life, I’m not sure which) was a Christmas morning that my Mom got my brother and I both at the same time. 

We had woken up early one Christmas morning to a GIGANTIC gift wrapped in the center of the living room.  It was addressed to me and my brother both and we were at a loss of what it could be, but we were young and figured that bigger was better, right?  Well, Dad was up and he said that Mom wasn’t feeling too well and would be up later ( I know you’ve already got this figured out, but humor me) and we could open the one present for the both of us and the rest had to wait until she got up.  So of course, being the impatient, naive little kids that we were started to open this present and BAM!! there is Mom jumping out of this gigantic box and scaring the shit out of two little kids.  Obviously, this was more of a present for my parents because the two of them laughed about that for hours. 

I guess I haven’t ever grown out of this mentality because I now do these things to Will and my animals.  I will hide from Will when he thinks I’ve gotten into the shower (he was out walking the dogs or something) and I will jump out of a closet, from behind a closed door, from around the corner and scare the absolute shit out of him.  It’s gone on for so long that he’s actually gotten to the point that he will send the dogs ahead of him saying “Where’s Mommy? Go find Mommy” just so he can figure out where I am.

But the torture doesn’t stop there.  I torture the animals too.  I’ll scare the crap out of the cats while they sleep, the dogs I’ll hide from them until they are frantic and whimpering b/c they can’t find me (This is all much funnier than it sounds, PETA!!) and then I will jump out and scare them as well.  I will hold the cats in my arms and let the dogs give them “kisses”, which they absolutely HATE, and then I will let them go and let the dogs chase them.  I’m not worried about them hurting the cats b/c the dogs are petrified of them for some reason and never actually touch them unless we’re holding one, but it’s funny to watch.

I do all of these things, and some people might say that it’s mean, or evil, but I disagree.  In my world aggravation = LOVE.  So, next time you think I’m being mean to you, really I’m just expressing my love for you!!


1 Comment

  1. Dallas said,

    June 22, 2008 at 7:35 pm

    Haha. My family was big on practical jokes – from smearing melted chocolate on the toilet seat to my mom trying to lose me in stores just so she could have me paged with funny comments.

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