Me? A grownup??

I know this might sound a little bit weird, but recently I got hit with the realization that Will and I are, get ready for it…..GROWNUPS.  Weird, right?  I mean, we both work professional jobs(and part-time jobs right now) and we have been on our own since forever, but some days it dosen’t feel any different than when we were in highschool together hanging out on the weekends and driving all over town for the silliest reasons listening to music and trying to find something to do on a Saturday night.  But now? Now? Well, we still have trouble finding things to do on Saturday nights that don’t cost an arm and a leg (we can only afford the arm or the leg right now) and we still drive around listening to music whenever we go places ( I swear when we have kids we’ll never hear them crying in the back because we will be deaf from blasting music in tiny spaces and screaming along to every song on the radio)  and we still hang out on weekends (when we’re off together) so what is the difference you ask?  The difference is that instead of pushing 20, we’re pushing 30.  Seriously.  30.  I will be turning 28 this year and my life is really no different, yet it’s comepletely different.  Do you know what I mean?  I’m not that 18 year old insolent kid anymore who thought I had all the answers and thought I knew how my life was going to be 10 years from then, because let me tell you, it’s NOTHING like I thought it would be.  That isn’t necessarily a bad thing, it’s just the truth.  I think when you’re young you have ideas of grandeur and as you grow up, I mean really grow up not just grow older, you get reality dropped on you like a ton of bricks and you suddenly find yourself feeling guilty for treating your parents badly and embarassed by the way you behaved and disgusted with your younger self for the naive view you had on the world. And for what?  I mean, all these things are normal.  It’s essentially the defination of growing up.  But back to my point.  You go on day to day, week to week and you’re immersed in the details of your life and you forget to sit back and see the larger picture.  I did this yesterday.  Will and I were having a cookout with April and James at their new house in Jupiter and for some reason, I just realized it: We are adults.  Not that I didn’t know it, but I didn’t feel it until that moment.  We. Are. Adults. Period.  We’re beginning to make our own life together, map out the future.  I can see that path opening up, but I can’t see what is ahead and that is kind of exciting but scary at the same time.  We are slowly becoming more and more adult like.  Choosing to stay in and cook dinner and clean house instead of going to the bar with friends.  Choosing to take the dogs to the beach and have grown up cook outs with our grown up friends instead of hanging out with friends and watching movies and sneaking beer and blowing all our money on going out. We always hung out with friends, but there is a very subtle difference to it now.  I’m finding it very hard to explain and I’m certain that this ramble of a post will just confirm everyone’s assumption that I am batshit crazy (shut it, Will) but,  I don’t know, I don’t feel that I am explaining it very well, but I guess once you’ve experienced this eye-opening feeling, then you’ll just get it.  It’s just different now.  Like we’re on the cusp of some huge change and I can’t wait to see what that is.  Before you know it, we’ll be all ‘Denae and Will, sitting in a tree, k-i-s-s-i-n-g, first comes love then comes marriage….” and eventually a baby carriage in there somewhere.  Now, if I could just sell Will on the idea of buying a house…..

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